Ever Changing

so easy to lose
myself in intricate thoughts
caught inside my mind

then I remember
beyond my own container
ever changing skies

the same and different
stormy puzzled blue gray clear

in out mind sky breathe

Please click on the button below to view SkyWatch photos from around the world. Consider viewing slowly with deep awareness, allowing each visit on your virtual tour to be a meditation practice, bringing us all closer together, one picture, one person, one peaceful moment at a time.
Enjoy your journey.
Gentle steps.
Laura

With deep gratitude to the SkyWatch Team who make this awesome meme possible every week, Klaus, Sandy, Wren, Fishing Guy and Sylvia

Perfect Pansy

she called to me
this lovely lady
as we were passing by

seems I am so often "passing by" lately

in my car
in my wheelchair
both pretty good vantage points for discovering drive by beauty and clicking away.

this one we stopped for, even though it was getting buggy already at that time...you know, just before afternoon slides into evening

...time passing too.

well rosie stopped so I could record this perfect pansy image.

oh that deep, deep purple
is there anything more regal than that?

yesterday turned out fine by the way
I feel so much better
when the girls came home from school I offered my sincere apology for my inappropriate nastiness the day before
(is it every appropriate?hmm?nope not really)
...this was met with big hugs, grins and "I love you mommy's" from my generously forgiving teenage daughters.

and gordon, well he just smiled and said "I know"

today I spent time in stillness listening to the rain
and the birds
watching the sky clear and the sun emerge.

I even managed a ride in the car (before the sky cleared up) to one of my favorite boggy spots for photos. I used to be able to walk there from the house just last summer...once again I'm reminded of the the passage of time, of changes.
I got out of the car and carefully took some photos

... I have to upload them, see if they are as lovely as I am expecting them to be
even if they aren't, it was so great to just stand still in nature, in one of my favorite places...

just me,

the birds,

insects

and maybe some toads and chipmunks too

(hiding out I suspect).

..thank you everyone for your compassionate comments yesterday. you really helped lift me up out of that medication funk :)

This link will take you to Today's Flowers...expect
gorgeous blossoms from around the world!

Softedged

Sunday Evening:
No seriously....I enjoy this softedged way of being in my life!

I've been blowing up at everyone today. This is not like ME...ok sometimes, definitely sometimes...but not all day long!

I have been "experimenting" with a new medication this week...Ampyra...the miracle drug that was going to give me more energy, help me walk better yada yada yada. It is always more complicated than you think it will be. Turns out I don't LIKE being this awake. I prefer my gentle, slightly dulled MS awake to the hyper-alert, easily agitated (because I'm not missing anything apparently-aka moody bitchiness), and inability to actually sleep at night. Really. Maybe I need to give it another chance (I'm on my second round of trying and it isn't going well)...but not until after the Bat Mitzvah...I don't think my family (or I) can take the stress of me being on a mood altering drug 7 weeks away from the big day!!!! (well truthfully I mean all the days between now and then...or even another week or two until my body supposedly adjusts!)

I was blogging around, trying to calm my racing mind tonight and found these heart opening posts. Cathy's really spoke to me. And so did Debbie's.

Monday Morning:
I'm feeling kinda blue. Looking back at yesterday I realize...I was mega monster PMS-esque momma from hell. (only drug induced, not actual PMS) It was awful. Then a fitful sleep (mostly awake) last night. When I tried it earlier this week for two and a half days I was up all but two and a half hours Thursday into Friday. I waited a couple of days like the doctor suggested to try again. I don't think it's for me this medicine. Today I'm feeling terrible remorse for my nasty outbursts. Once the meanness is out you can't really retrieve it. I mean I know I was not in control of my words/thoughts because of the drug...but still...it all came from me. I feel so sad.

Well at least I know how I feel...that's good right? and I know this will all pass and life will settle again into some kind of normal once the medicine is out of my system, but for today, I'm just feeling the weight of the waiting. The weight of words spoken and anger oozing...I didn't know I had that much bitterness in me, not a whole days worth. Well the anger is gone and I'm left with the unsettled feeling of causing pain...ok Honestly...I wasn't THAT horrible (on a truly horrible hateful human scale)...but I wasn't kind. And I did yell. And I was not patient. And I was seeing faults in everyone. I couldn't listen...because my heart was closed off. Now it is open again; softened. I am feeling deeply. The lack of sleep and sadness are adding to the softedged quality of being, providing a place for my weary soul to rest on this rainy Monday.

I know this is a ramble and certainly not a positive message for you today. I don't quite understand this phenomenon completely...but airing my "dirty laundry" is kind of liberating and healing for me. Maybe because I know there are others out there having similar days, or that have in the past and you get it...I'm not alone...you are not alone. Maybe that's it? Maybe. Anyway, sorry if you stopped by expecting an uplifting post...but do check out Cathy's and Debbie's. They are quite grounding and beautiful. And then this morning I found this video on Carolyn's blog. No words from me...deep sigh. Just watch it.

Here's to a day of asking for forgiveness from Gordon and the girls, and from myself. Here's to listening more, talking and presuming less. Here's to a good night of sleep and a calmer tomorrow :)

May I feel safe.
May I feel happy.
May I feel strong.
May I live with ease.

May this be so for all beings.

gentle steps,
laura

My Daughter Dreaming

Photos capture an instant in time that becomes timeless.
Through your imagination, they become visual stories.
Unfolding without a word, they tell themselves.

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And