Curious

There is a fracture in a windowpane above Gordon’s side of the bed. It has always been there; well, since before we moved into this 5O+ year old house ten years ago.

The glass is cold. I tentatively trace the uneven indentation for the first time, with my finger.

All these years lying in the bed beneath and never did it occur to me to touch it, until this moment. Curious how we can see something for years, but avoid really connecting with that thing, thought, person, emotion. I don’t know the story of the crack. I’m not even sure of what the story of never touching it before now is (or if there really IS a story), but it is interesting to contemplate, what draws us to something, what we feel indifferent about, and what repels us.

Curiosity opens us to awareness.  Awareness opens us to alternate possibilities, answers and questions we may not have considered before. Thank you small fracture in the window for being my muse today, for inviting me to take a second look and a third, for not cutting my finger as I traced you, and for being too illusive to photograph so that I am left with a bit of mystery to steep myself in today.

And now for something completely different…

the mysterious back of my head!!!  

 

Fresh haircut and luscious red color, ‘cause a girl’s gotta have fun! “Hair-therapy”, does wonders for body, mind, heart, and soul! I wouldn't want you should think I'm always serious and don't know how to play. It seems my posts have been pretty heavy of late and not a complete representation of my wholeness. Yes friends, I have a zany side...the flip on the bottom is actually a stripe that is redder in real life, (like too red for real life!) than it appears in this self portrait. I think the flash washed it out a bit, oh well. And a close up of my pixie ear, and yes a matching red stripe in the bangs. (no make-up, because what would be the point with all that color on top???)

And since it's Macro Monday, and I'm feeling kind of silly:

Silver

I know I know, another icicle...but they are so exquisite! What kind of friend would I be to withhold sharing such beauty captured in a photograph? At this time of year in NH, frost, ice and snow are what are most abundant. I don't love the cold, it's true, but the magic it brings is well worth the discomfort and extra sweaters, socks and hats. (Yes hats, I have short hair and sometimes wear a hat in the house!)

The color has not been manipulated in this photo; the icicle was exactly this shade of silver, and the sky a monochrome backdrop, branches, black in the distance. While I always enjoy the warmth and bright colors that will return sometime in May and last through mid-October, I appreciate the simplicity of a single silver icicle and a muted palette too. This was not always the case for me. I used to dread the length of winter, the draining of color, the endurance of what I perceived as monotonous months of cold and gloom, particularly since moving to New England eleven years ago. 

There seems to have been a shift in me this winter. Two years of cultivating patience due to increasing illness (and not always with a generous spirit) have gradually softened my heart into a state of sweeter surrender; acceptance not only for this dis-ease that is clearly here to stay, but for so much more in my life. I struggle, I do, and I see the struggle pass into joy when I capture a glimpse of an icicle, fringe or web of frost across my window, the trees and their dark elegant skeletons, the seemingly infinite spectrum of colors displayed oh so briefly at dawn and sunset, the vastness of blue and gray brown and white that dominate my field of vision for the remainder of the day. Acceptance for the minimalism of my daily activities, because I have not driven a car since the end of August, and walking is limited to very short distances, so most of my time is spent at home. Acceptance of my daughters as they change and grow into young women with independent ideas from the babies I birthed and understood so well as little girls (Yes, Momma is growing-up too). Acceptance of the consistent love and devotion my husband offers me, day in and day out, my partner, my beloved, till death do us part. Acceptance of friendship from people near and far who I never, ever would have met had I NOT been slowed by MS and the ponderous pace of winter (at least when one is mostly warm and indoors there is no need to hurry!)

So yes, another icicle image, I hope you are not bored. I myself am increasingly fascinated by the wonder of time slowed and held in a moments of yirah, awe, as I witness these tiny changes, (so easy to miss when caught in the necessary busyness of living) through the windows of my house, our car, and the windows of my heart; my eyes. 

I am grateful for the gift of silver on this particular winter day. 

May all beings discover a breath...

an instant... 

to pause... 

each day...

to find contentment in the simple gifts life offers.

gentle steps,

Laura

For more black and white images (and perhaps silver too) visit:

Ice Blue Sky

It is astonishing, how blue the sky appears after a storm has passed. I love how it is reflected in yet another shimmering icicle. What a blessing to experience winter slowly, gazing through the lens of a camera and the eyes of the heart.

linking to:

GraytoBluetoGray

mindfulness-heartfulness

is neither about arriving nor staying

it is the sacred art of t’shuva, return
returning with deep compassion to
what simply is
not trying to change of fix
judge or wish away our reality
it is loving ourselves no matter what

observing the continuous shifts

gray to blue to gray
the kinder we are to ourselves
the deeper our capacity to love others  
grows

a brilliant insight?

no wise friends

a reminder

that’s all 

i know you know this

 i sometimes have to write it "out loud " 
so i remember too

Happy SkyWatching!

Encapsulated

 I hear music, tiny sleet hammers striking icicle chimes. I listen. I watch. I contemplate. I notice that there are tiny bubbles caught, within the frozen stalactites.

 A miniature universe secreted within another slightly larger one.

I am no different. A tiny world inside my mind, my heart, my body, inside the house, the town, the state, the nation, the earth, the vast darkness of space that surrounds our planet and so on. A slight breath, enshrined in time, tucked inside eternity. I find this a comfort, life encapsulated in the mystery of forever before and after, a moment, now, suspended in sacred awareness.

This container temporary, ensconced in infinity.

 

linking to Emily at:

Deep Joy

Winter Morning Palette

Soft glow of sun on snowy forest 

floor

Dark branches dressed in winter's white 

attire

Gentle curve of trees in sensual

silence

Limbs reaching, embracing as they sway

gracefully

An intimate wooded waltz I am privileged to
witness

My heart beats in threes to music they

intuit

This limited palette cannot restrain my

imagination
Nor my joy as I revel in this scene beyond my
window

For more poetry visit:

One Shot Wednesday  

A few weeks ago I wanted to post my friend Toni Bernhard's link to an NPR interview, but it was postponed. Please take time today to listen to her beautiful wholehearted essay about Learning to Live a Full Life with Chronic Illness, as she reads it on NPR's Morning Edition  (This actually aired yesterday, but I didn't have the link until later in the day). 

Thank you Toni for being a light for all of us, as we learn to accept life's complicated dance with dignity and grace ♥ You have made your life a blessing, and it is an honor to call you friend.