Go Slow

Bright treasures sit on the side of the road for patient eyes to discover.

 

"Go slow the flowers whisper."

 

We will be traveling north later today so posting will be spotty this week. I'm listening to the flowers, going slow, healing my body with plenty of fresh air, beautiful views, loving company and rest. I just realized this is my 400th post...wow!

Weeping Windows

Perhaps it is the result of two more days of Solumedrol, perhaps it is the relief of being home, safe, breathing, perhaps it is gratitude for the generosity and lovingkindness that has been expressed toward me over and over again from loved ones who know me well and many, many people I've never even met except online...maybe it is all of this as well as yirah, awe toward the Holy One Who Breathes the whole world into Being and has blessed me so deeply with a beautiful life? But these photos of rain weeping down the windows of my house mirror the tears that are so near the surface of my heart and brim over my eyes at the smallest provocation today.

I am feeling very tired and need to rest my body. It has been through a great deal since June. I’m happy to say that things have worked out and we (my husband and girls) will be able to travel up north to the mountains for a week with ten of our family members starting Sunday. We weren’t sure if we would be able to go with, but we will and my weepy eyes and overfull heart are thrilled to be able to spend time with my loved ones and the mountains that bring me so much joy. No hiking for me, of course, but there are plenty of beautiful lookouts to stop at so I can take photos while sitting in the car. And to breathe the cool mountain air…ahhh. Yes, this is just what I need and my family too.

linking to: 

Wide Open, Ocean and Sky

A view of the ocean and sky from our apartment balcony at the seashore on our vacation a month ago, expansive and wide, it inspires me to take a deep full breath.

What a joy that is! They started me on Albuterol treatments yesterday and the difference in my ability to walk small distances without becoming dizzy, or experiencing shortness of breath is nothing less than amazing. I can make it on my own from my hospital bed to the bathroom without anyone holding my arm (although I am still closely guarded and not allowed out of bed without a nurse or LN) and back to bed without being too tippy. It is nice to be un-tethered from the IV pole and oxygen! We still don't know what is causing the dyspnea (shortness of breath) but hopefully later today all the test results will be in and maybe the mystery will be solved. I've had two more IV Solumedrol treatments while here at the hospital so won't need that at home next week. I'm very much hoping to be released from the hospital sometime today or tomorrow. We'll see.

Honestly, it has been kind of nice to have a bit of a "spa" experience here: LN's helping me bathe and even rubbing powder on my back, medications, meals and juice served promptly with smiles and without anyone whining that they are "in the middle of something Mom!" a perfectly neat bedroom cleaned every day (and every time I get up to go to the bathroom I come back and the bedclothes are magically smoothed out too). Really, having me here has eased things for Gordon and that is a relief too. It is much harder in our daily lives at home. I'm pretty much useless around the house anymore so mostly everything falls on Gordon, shopping, preparing meals, keeping up with the laundry, driving everyone wherever they need to go, working full time and helping me with things I can’t do for self care at times. It has been a bit of a "vacation" for him too this week.

I'm not so crazy about being a pincushion however; I could do without all the blood draws and bruises. But, you gotta do what you gotta do, and I'm sadly used to it, informing the phlebotomists which veins tend to be knotty and to please us pedi-butterfly needles because my veins are tiny, tired and scarred.

Last night Gordon brought in take out from one of our favorite local restaurants and we watched a movie on Netflix. It was about as close as we get to a date these days! (We only seem to go out to restaurants when I have an evening MRI scheduled in Concord, so this was an extra unplanned evening for two this summer! We did have an MRI date in May, June and another in July. So I guess we were due for a special romantic in-hospital date for August:-)

Our dear friends Becky and Alan took the girls out for the day. They've been home alone since I was admitted on Monday evening except at night when Gordon goes home. He's been able to work at a little desk in the corner of my room because they have wireless here. Anyway, the girls had a great time, helping do our laundry at our friends' house (how come they don't mind washing our laundry in someone else's washing machine? another deep mystery), grocery shopping and preparing meals to freeze to take home, picking a lovely bouquet of flowers from our friends' garden for me and bringing them to my room. It was such a lovely surprise to have them all here last night.  I was so tired earlier from the respiratory testing that I didn't think I'd be up to seeing anyone let alone in the evening. What a difference three Albuterol treatments in a day made. After this I will have four a day.

Elohai neshama shenatata bi t’hora hi

Holy One, the soul/breath you have given me is pure.

My breath has never felt more sacred than it does right now; vast like the ocean and sky. I am so grateful.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a ramble...I suppose the steroids have me a little jacked-up as I'm writing this:-)

Thank you everyone for your many prayers here on my blog, on FB and in private emails...and so many generous offers to help out from our local friends too, your kindness is so heartwarming. I feel so much love washing over me. I hope you feel it too as I return it to you, radiant and warm like the pink morning sky in the photo above.

This all makes me realize how important it is never to wait until the people you care about are ill to tell them how much you care. Tell them today. Show them at every chance you get. Don't miss an opportunity to spread your love to others, even with a simple gesture, like opening a door for a stranger or allowing them to step in front of you in line at a shop. And don't forget to smile!!!!

Life is hard; it's true, but full of blessings and goodness too. Savor the sweetness of your life, moment by moment...breath by breath...step by gentle step.

xo

Laura

ATTENTION!! I'm home!!! No solid diagnosis exactly, but all the bad stuff has been ruled out. So they sprung me from the hospital with a long acting bronchial inhaler. Still don't know why this happened, but it is manageable with the inhaler and I can stay on the Gilenya!!!!

linking to:

Breath

B

R

E

A

T

How precious and miraculous it is

Mysterious and welcomed

When something as basic

As walking across a room

Requires concentrated effort

Not just to lift and move

One foot in front of the other

A daily dance I’m all too familiar with

But to feel the comfort of a complete

R

E

A

T

Holy

A sacred act to

Wholly expand lungs

Replenishing the body

With fresh oxygen

I rest on my bed

Watching chest rise

And softly relax

Magically lifting again

Mesmerized by this

Blessing

R

E

A

T

H

I am currently in the hospital, having been admitted late last night. I was having difficulty breathing yesterday, when I wrote the poem above. My lungs look healthy and so far my heart is ok, but more tests today. It is all kind of mysterious, but medical things with me never seem to be straight forward. Good news...the hospital has wireless:-)

I'm pretty exhausted, so not likely to be commenting much on blogs, but know that I am thinking of  you my friends around the globe and that I greatly appreciate all of the prayers and kind words you offer so freely. The world is not perfect, but from my viewpoint I see that mostly people are good and live from compassionate hearts. It is an honor to share the same air you breathe!

linking to my friends at:

d'Verse

Appreciating Life's Little Absurdities

Sometimes it is the absurdities in life that bring on a deep belly laugh, and open us to unexpected joy.

Maybe it isn't so funny to you. Perhaps if you had been there right then with the warmth of sunshine on your face, the gentle sea breeze waking your senses to the high calorie, deep fried sweets and fresh brewed coffee wafting by, you’d have thought so too? On a morning "walk" down at the seashore in early July, my niece Sarah (who probably has the most infectious giggle I've ever heard, bar none) and I thought it quite humorous for me to park here while waiting for my mom and sister to pick up our specialty doughnut order at "The Fractured Prune." 

*Pronounced 'proo-in' if you are from Philadelphia and are of my mother's generation...don't know why, just is.

It shouldn't be funny, being handicapped, and parking in this spot...but it was, considering my vehicle was just like the one pictured on the sign. I mean, how often do you see an actual wheelchair parked in a handicap space????

I’m waiting (parked in bed) for my doctor to call and let me know whether or not I need another round of steroids, as my symptoms are a little worse, and definitely not better. I cannot think of a more optimal time to ponder joy and be present to my life as it is, than right this moment.

I have no deep, wise, thought provoking insights to offer today friends, simply this: laugh often, it truly is the best medicine.